How to keep in touch with grandparents when you live far away

Nothing dramatic has to happen for the gap to grow. A busy week turns into two, a planned visit moves, and the last long talk was longer ago than it feels. A short, regular call does more than a long one that never quite gets booked. 📞

If your parents live far away too, the same habits work for them. Start with our questions to ask your mom on your next call, the main guide for staying close to family from a distance.

A rhythm that actually happens

Pick a pace you can keep, not one that looks good on paper. For many families, a call every week or two is plenty. Sunday late morning their time often works, especially if they are already at your parents’ house and can take the phone for a few minutes.

Ten or fifteen minutes at the usual time is enough. If one week does not work, say so and move it, rather than letting the slot disappear. Some grandparents would rather have an ordinary phone call than a video; ask what they like, and stick to that.

For a broader family rhythm when you have moved abroad, there is a full guide on how to keep in touch with family when you move abroad, and one on how often to call your parents.

Finding a good hour across time zones

The hard part is an hour when you are both awake and free. A weekend slot that falls in the morning or early afternoon for whoever is behind is usually kinder than a weekday evening. Add a world clock for their city on your iPhone, and check again in March, October and early November, when the clocks change on different days in different countries.

If the gap is large, a voice note mid-week can carry the news that does not need a live answer, and you save the live call for when you can both talk.

Questions that get them talking

The best question is a follow-up on something they told you last time. When there is nothing to follow up, ask about their week, then about their life before you were around. Recipes, the old house and family stories are easy to lose if nobody writes them down. Tap Copy to keep one for the call. More of this kind of question, including ones that also work for grandparents, is on the page of questions to ask your mom.

Keeping their stories

A line or two after the call is enough: the date of an appointment, the name of a neighbour, the step in a recipe. Write it in the same place each time so it is there before the next call. Ciao! keeps short notes on each person’s page, newest first, and a note with a reminder comes back on the day you pick.

If they are happy for you to keep a longer story, a voice memo on your iPhone during a call they know you are recording is one way to do it. Ciao! itself does not record calls; it just holds the short notes you type afterwards, so you know what to ask next time.

Helping with a video call

A regular phone call is often easier than video, and it is fine to stay with that. If they do want to see you, pick one app and keep it, FaceTime or WhatsApp, and have someone nearby help with the first setup if the camera or the volume is the hard part. Start the call a couple of minutes early so you are not both staring at a ringing screen. Have a backup: if the video fails, switch to an ordinary call rather than spending the time fixing it.

Small things to send

A photo of your week, a postcard, or a small parcel for a birthday or a holiday does a lot when visits are rare. Birthday morning is often too late for a card to arrive, so pick a date a few weeks ahead and set a reminder then. In Ciao! you can put that reminder on a short note, and your own words come back on the day you chose. The app also sends a note on the morning of their birthday, so the day itself is not missed.

Ask what they would actually like. The question “Is there anything you’d like me to bring or send?” saves a lot of guessing.

How Ciao! helps

Ciao! is an iPhone app for keeping in touch with the people who matter, grandparents included. You add them, pick how often you would like to talk, and it tells you when it has been a while, counted from the last time you talked, not from a date in a calendar. When it has been a while, you get a short note that evening, and on Sunday a short stack of cards shows who is waiting. You swipe right when you have talked.

Each person has a page for short notes, so the story they told you last time is there for the next call. On a birthday, a note arrives that morning. If their number is saved with the country code, such as +39, you can open WhatsApp, Messages or a call from their page. Ciao! never reads your chats, never writes a message for you, and they never know they are in it. There is no account. The first 7 days are free, then it is €3.99 a year.

Questions

How often should you call your grandparents?

A short call every week or two is a good place to start. Pick a time they already have free, and change it if it feels like too much or too little after a few weeks. A voice note mid-week can sit between the calls.

What should you talk about on a call with your grandparents?

Start with a follow-up on something they told you last time, then ask about their week, and keep one question about their life, family or a recipe for when there is time. Write down what they say, so the next call has a natural opener.

How can you remember the stories they tell you?

Write a line or two after the call, in the same place each time. A note on your phone works. Ciao! keeps short notes on each person’s page, and a note with a reminder comes back on the day you pick. It does not record the call for you.

Is there an app that reminds you to call your grandparents?

Yes. Ciao! is one, for iPhone. You choose how often for each person, and it reminds you when it has been a while, counted from the last talk you log. The first 7 days are free, then €3.99 a year. There is no monthly plan.