There is no right number, though. Some people talk to their mum every day, some call once a month, and both can be fine. What matters is that the gap feels normal to both of you.
What changes the answer
- How they’re doing. If a parent lives alone, is unwell, or just went through something hard, call more often for a while. A two minute call still counts.
- How you both like to talk. For some parents a voice note is easier than a call, and a photo of your lunch is a way of saying hi too.
- Time zones. If you live hours apart, pick a time that’s easy for both of you and keep it. A short call at the same time every week is easier to keep than a long one now and then.
- How the last call went. If it felt heavy or you argued, don’t wait longer than usual. A short, normal call usually helps.
A simple way to set it
- Start with once a week.
- If it starts to feel like a chore, try every ten days instead.
- If something is going on, go back to more often until things settle.
How to keep it going
Call on the same day, at roughly the same time. After a few weeks it’s a habit, and they start to expect it.
Remember what they told you. “How did the knee appointment go?” is an easier start than “How are you?”. Write it down somewhere after the call.
If it’s been three weeks, you don’t need to apologise. Just call.
Questions
Is calling every day too much?
Only if one of you feels it is. If you both like it, keep doing it.
What if a weekly call feels awkward?
Keep it short. Five minutes about nothing is still a call. Ask about one thing they told you last time.
What if they never call me?
Some parents wait to be called because they don’t want to bother you. Call them anyway.
Where Ciao! fits
Ciao! is an iPhone app that reminds you to keep in touch with the people you care about, your parents included. You choose how often, for example every week, and it tells you when it’s been a while.
It counts from the last time you talked, so if you already called on Thursday, it won’t remind you on Sunday. It also keeps a note of what they told you, so next time you know what to ask.
There’s no account, and your first three people are free.
Get Ciao!