How to keep in touch with coworkers after you leave a job

Work friendships are easy because the job does the arranging. You see each other every day, and there is always something to say. When you leave, that stops on the same afternoon. Nobody decides to drift. There is just no next conversation, unless one of you starts it.

This guide is about the coworkers who became friends: the ones you’d want to tell your news to. It is not about networking.

Start before your last day

Your work email, your chat account and the shared calendar will all close soon after you leave. If that is the only way you talk, the friendship goes with them.

• Ask for a personal number, or swap numbers in person. “Can I have your real number? I’d like to stay in touch” is enough.
• Have one last coffee with each person you care about. A goodbye to the whole team doesn’t count.
• Write down one thing they told you recently: the move they’re planning, the kid starting school, the half marathon. That is your next message.

Choose who you want to keep

You won’t keep everyone, and you don’t have to. Often it’s a small handful from each job. Ask yourself: if something good happened next month, would I want to tell this person? Write to those. For everyone else, a friendly goodbye and the odd birthday message is plenty.

What to write

Keep every message short and easy to answer.

In your first week out

Three ways to say it. I’d send the first to someone I sat next to every day. The second is for when you left on good terms but weren’t that close. The third works if you made a plan before you left. Save it for when you really mean the date.

• Warm. “First week without you at the next desk. Nobody laughs at my jokes here. Coffee soon?”
• Light. “Hey, it’s me on my own number now. Thanks for making the last two years fun.”
• Practical. “Still on for lunch on the 20th? I can come to your side of town.”

A few weeks later

This one matters most. Everyone says goodbye; the second message tells them you meant it. Make it about them, not the office.

• “How did the move go? Are you in the new flat yet?”
• “I walked past that awful ramen place we used to go to and thought of you. Is it still awful?”

When you see news about their company

A launch, a new office, a story in the paper. A natural reason to write, as long as you ask about them, not the gossip.

• “Saw the launch everywhere this week. Were you part of it? Congrats either way.”

If the news is bad, like layoffs, keep it simpler: “Saw the news. Thinking of you. No need to reply.” Don’t ask whether they were affected. They’ll tell you if they want to.

A year or more later

It feels awkward after a long silence, but it rarely is. Don’t explain the gap. Say why you thought of them.

• “It’s been a year since I left and I still miss our Friday lunches. How are you doing?”
• “Random, but I just used that spreadsheet trick you taught me. Still the best thing I learned in that job. How are things?”

More on writing after a long gap is in how to reconnect with an old friend.

Talk about more than work

Old office stories run out fast. If every message is about who got promoted and which manager left, the friendship ends when the gossip does. Move to their life: the kids, the trip, the dog, the band they’re in. That is what kept you close at work too; it just happened at lunch.

It helps to remember what they told you. After you talk, write one short line somewhere only you see: “Starting a pottery class in March. Sister getting married in June.” Read it before you write again. How to do that well is in how to remember what your friends tell you.

Give it a rhythm

Without the office, nothing reminds you. So pick a rhythm for each person instead of waiting to feel like it. For a close work friend, every month or so is a good start. For the wider group, birthdays and the odd “saw this and thought of you” are enough. A simple way to choose is in how often should you talk to your friends.

If you use Ciao!, add them and pick how often. It counts from the last time you talked, so if you had lunch last week, it waits. When it’s been a while, you get a short note that evening, and on Sunday a short stack of cards shows who you haven’t talked to. A note like “sister’s wedding in June” can come back on a day you pick. You still write the message.

What to skip

• Asking for a favour in the first message after a long silence. If you need a reference or an introduction, write to say hello first, and ask another time.
• Complaining about the old company. They still work there. It puts them in an odd spot.
• The group chat as the only contact. It’s fun for a while, then it goes quiet. Write to the people you care about directly.
• Likes instead of messages. Reacting to a post is nice. It is not the same as asking how they are.
• Long apologies. “Sorry I’ve been so bad at this” makes them comfort you. Just say hello.
• Stacking messages. If they don’t reply, wait a few weeks before you try again. People get busy.

Even the coworkers you weren’t close to matter. In 1973 the sociologist Mark Granovetter wrote about “the strength of weak ties”: people we know less well link us to news our close friends don’t, and in the study he described, people often heard about new jobs through them. The ones in this guide are more than that. They are friends who happened to sit near you.

Questions

Is it weird to text a former coworker?

No. People are usually glad to hear from someone they liked working with. Keep it short, say why you thought of them, and ask one easy question.

How often should you keep in touch with old coworkers?

For a close work friend, about once a month is a good start, and meet in person when you can. For the wider group, birthdays and the occasional message when something reminds you of them are enough.

Is LinkedIn enough?

For people you only worked with, it can be. For the ones who became friends, it isn’t. Use the app you’d use with any other friend, and talk about more than jobs.

What if they don’t reply?

Don’t read too much into it. Wait a few weeks and try once more with something light. If there’s still nothing, leave the door open and let them come back when they’re ready.